German family law focuses on the best interests of the child. In practice, this means that both parents should remain involved after a separation. Custody (Sorgerecht) and contact (Umgangsrecht) are separate: a parent can have joint custody while the child lives with the other parent, and a parent without custody still has a right to contact.
Custody
Joint custody means that both parents decide together on important matters, such as school, religion, major medical treatment and where the child lives. Day-to-day decisions are made by the parent the child is with.
Unmarried parents. The mother has sole custody at birth. Joint custody arises through a joint declaration at the youth welfare office or a notary, or by court decision if it does not contradict the child's best interests.
Sole custody after separation is only granted if joint custody does not work and sole custody is better for the child.
Where the Child Lives
Parents can agree where the child lives. If they cannot agree, the family court decides based on the child's best interests, considering continuity, the child's relationships, the parents' ability to care and the child's wishes, depending on age.
Shared care (Wechselmodell). The child lives with both parents for about equal periods. Courts can order it if it is in the child's best interests, which requires good communication between the parents and living close to each other.
Contact
The parent the child does not live with has a right and a duty to contact. Typical arrangements include every other weekend and half of school holidays, but there is no fixed standard. Parents can agree freely. The youth welfare office offers mediation. If no agreement is reached, the court decides.
Contact can only be restricted or excluded if it endangers the child.
Moving Abroad With the Child
Moving abroad is an important decision that requires the consent of both parents with joint custody. Without consent, the moving parent must apply to the family court.
Taking a child abroad without consent, or not returning after a holiday, can be child abduction under the Hague Convention. The other parent can then demand the child's return through the central authorities, in Germany the Federal Office of Justice.
Procedure
- Youth welfare office (Jugendamt). Advises parents and helps find agreements, free of charge.
- Family court. Proceedings concerning children are given priority. The court hears the parents, the youth welfare office and, depending on age, the child. A guardian ad litem may be appointed.
- Mediation. Often useful for parents who want to keep decisions in their own hands.
Points for Expats
- Applicable law and jurisdiction. Custody matters are usually decided by the courts of the country where the child habitually lives, under the law of that country.
- Passports and travel. For travel abroad, especially to non-EU countries, carry a consent letter from the other parent.
- Recognition. Decisions from EU countries are recognised in Germany, and vice versa.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does the child decide where to live?
The child's wishes are considered and carry more weight as the child gets older, but they are not the only factor.
Can contact be refused if child support is not paid?
No. Contact and support are separate.
Do grandparents have contact rights?
Yes, if contact is in the child's best interests.
